


Unfinished Business

by bluerose5



Series: FShenko One Shots [1]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alchera (Mass Effect), Biotic Shepard (Mass Effect), F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Mass Effect 2, Memories, One Shot, PTSD-like Elements, Pre-Suicide Mission, Spacer (Mass Effect), Swearing, Trauma, Vulnerability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:29:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28965399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluerose5/pseuds/bluerose5
Summary: After everyone else on the Normandy have settled their own personal matters, Shepard decided to take some time before the IFF mission to find some closure of her own. She returns to the site of the original Normandy, ready to confront the ghosts of her past.
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard
Series: FShenko One Shots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2166225
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	Unfinished Business

**Author's Note:**

> Heya! So, first things first, I've still been struggling with my motivation and energy lately when it comes to writing, so this fic came as a slight surprise to me. I've been wanting to write an Alchera scenario for a while now because I hate how you can't bring anyone along with you, but the Shenko feels were not expected when I first started considering the fic.
> 
> Jump forward to now, and I was able to muster up enough energy to actually write the fic; however, as of this moment, I did not do much in terms of editing. Sorry in advance for any typos or grammar mistakes. I will probably try to clean it up later, but I was so proud of finishing it that I wanted to share.
> 
> (Also, note that I am aware Liara has Shepard's armor and dog tags in canon as of LotSB, but I am one of those fans that didn't really care much for that detail because I feel like any possessions of Shepard's should have gone to their romance, whether it be Ashley, Liara, or Kaidan. Or to Hacket or Anderson, had Shepard not been in a romance. Just thought that I would point out that headcanon for the sake of the fic.)
> 
> Enough of my ranting now. I believe this is my first fic for this ship that I'm posting, so I hope that you enjoy! <3

There was never a way to find the right words.

Through all the tight-lipped smiles and the forced laughter, Shepard never knew the exact words to say that could convey what the past several months have felt like. Of course, she seemed to have little to no problem with finding the words to put _others_ at ease, but it felt virtually impossible to advocate on her own behalf.

Usually, those who knew her best —namely, those from the SR-1— could pick up on her mood easily enough by now, but they had been so occupied lately. Garrus and Sidonis, Tali and her trial… They have had bigger, more important things to focus on. Perhaps Shepard could have confided in Joker or even Chakwas about how she’s been feeling, but things have remained stilted and awkward with Joker ever since Shepard returned. After she sacrificed herself to get him off of the original Normandy, neither one seemed all that thrilled to bring up the giant ass elephant in the room.

And Chakwas was, well, _Chakwas._ Aside from the occasional drink together, their relationship remained professional for the most part, definitely not intimate and close enough to voice what Shepard wished to discuss. She knew that the doctor wouldn’t mind listening, but Shep felt as if she would simply approach the matter from a clinical perspective, which wasn’t really what Shepard was searching for.

Hell, some of the new crew might be willing to lend an ear. The first to come to mind —one of the few who could probably truly empathize with Shepard’s current situation— was Thane, but even that didn’t feel _right_ to Shep.

Plus, no conversation felt truly open and genuine when her entire fucking ship was filled to the brim with monitoring devices of various sorts.

Maybe she could go drop by and visit Anderson on the Citadel, but she knew that she was only stalling. Delaying the inevitable.

Try as she may, but she couldn’t hide it.

She missed Kaidan.

She missed everything about him. Those small, appreciative smiles he saved just for her. The way his eyes lit up when she entered a room, noticeable only to those who were close enough to him to know what to look for. How he made her feel so loved and special, as if Shepard was the only woman in the whole galaxy —no, in the entire _universe_ — who could both capture and hold his attention. As if there was no one else around when he was with her.

She missed feeling as if she belonged.

Sitting at her desk, she now fully understood what Thane was saying when he explained how his memory worked. She wanted nothing more than to get lost in those older memories with Kaidan. She wanted to be back in a time before Horizon, to escape the suffocating loneliness that plagued her when her friends and crew weren’t around.

For what felt like the millionth time, Shepard pulled up the video message that Kaidan had sent her, listening to his voice, watching him struggle for words.

Shepard never messaged him back at the time because she had no words. None that would make things better, at least.

Now, she was wondering whether she should have sent back _something._ She knew there was no changing his mind about Ceberus. In all honesty, she didn’t want that anyways. She still didn’t trust Cerberus as an organization or the Illusive Man, for that matter. The only agents of theirs that she did _somewhat_ trust were those that were a part of her crew, and that was it.

Kaidan was better off with the Alliance. Of that, Shepard was certain.

And while Shepard knew that he didn’t need her protection, she didn’t think she could willingly drag him along onto a suicide mission in good faith. Call her selfish for wanting to keep him as far away from the fray as possible, but she thought she deserved to be at that point.

Chewing nervously on one of her nails, she quickly forced herself to stop, listening to the message as it reached its conclusion.

When Kaidan’s image disappeared off screen, Shepard stared blankly at the display before her.

Eventually, she composed a message.

_Can’t say too much here. Channel not secure. Can you meet me at these coordinates? Alone._

She attached the next location she had plotted, swallowing thickly.

_Would mean a lot to me, but I understand if you don’t come. High-risk mission coming up. Don’t know if_

She had to stop typing there, closing her eyes as she took a deep, bracing breath. Once she calmed herself enough, she finished the sentence.

_Don’t know if I’ll make it back._

But she couldn’t leave it there, not when the Omega-4 Relay loomed threateningly on the horizon.

Not when this could be her last chance to say those words to him.

Her vision soon blurred, her eyes stinging with the burn of unshed tears. She continued to write through the slight ache, swiping furiously at her eyes.

_If you decide not to come and I don’t get the chance to say it in person, know that I always loved you._

No, no, not good enough. Needs more.

_And that I still love you, even now._

She wouldn’t give away anymore, not like this where Cerberus could get their grubby fingers on her messages. Anything else would have to wait, if Kaidan even showed up, that is.

Signing off her message, Shepard sent it then immediately turned off the computer’s interface.

After a few moments of just sitting there, staring off into space, she got to her feet and went back to work.

By this point, all of her squadmates’ pressing issues were over and dealt with, and their allegiances had been secured. They were loyal to her, as she was to them, but there was still one matter that needed to be settled. A little bit of unfinished business that needed closure before they hit the derelict reaper.

And that was hers.

Once she made the usual rounds with the crew, checking on everyone to make sure they were okay, she approached the CIC with a heavy stride. A part of her didn’t want to do this, but she knew that there was no getting out of it. There were ghosts that needed to be laid to rest, and she was determined to see it through. It might be quite Mordin-like of her to approach the “mission” in such a way, but she couldn’t trust the task to another.

Someone else might get it wrong.

The last thing she wanted was for the site to not be given the respect it deserved, so she was attending to the matter personally.

Crew members of the original Normandy still remained unaccounted for, so Shepard was returning to the site of its destruction to search for any evidence. Of course, no one expected them to be alive, but it would put lots of minds at ease to finally have something tangible to remember their loved ones by.

That, and Shepard needed to take some time to herself.

She can’t even remember a time when she allowed herself to properly grieve and process her own death, thrown into one situation after another ever since she awakened in that lab.

Setting the course for Alchera, Shepard took the time for the duration of the trip to prepare, both mentally and physically. It would take quite some time to get there, but she was in no rush.

When the others encountered her, they asked after her, wondering if she would bring a squad down planetside with her. Tali and Garrus were the more obvious candidates, since they were a part of the original crew, but others suspected that Thane or Miranda were possible options as well, considering how close Shepard had grown towards them.

Needless to say, the entire crew was both shocked and concerned for Shepard when she announced her decision to go solo, but they knew by that stubborn glint in her eyes that nothing they would say would change her mind. They eventually acquiesced, albeit reluctantly.

When they were only an hour or two out from Alchera, Shepard geared up, taking care with each piece of her armor. Garrus and Tali offered to go with her one last time, but she remained adamant, ready to argue the matter all the way down to the last second if necessary.

Shepard grabbed a sidearm just in case, even though she doubted that she would encounter any hostiles in such a harsh, cold environment.

Joker then announced that they were entering Alchera’s atmosphere, Shepard’s throat closing up.

Heading down to the shuttle bay, she tried to swallow past it, attempting to dislodge the lump stuck down her throat.

With each step, she listened to her breathing, her heartbeat racing as it crescendoed into a dull roar in her ears.

While she was on the elevator, her omni-tool beeped. Shepard contemplated ignoring it, having a feeling that she knew exactly who it was. She both dreaded and anticipated his response, but she knew that it would do her no good to avoid him after reaching out like she did.

The three words he sent her was enough to send her heart crashing against her ribcage, making it harder to breathe.

_See you there._

It was already way more than she expected, so Shepard gladly welcomed the short reply.

He was coming.

Even after everything…

She knew that he still had his reservations, but this meant the world to her, more than he could possibly comprehend. Despite how uncertain things were left between them, he was being there when it mattered most, and that was enough for her.

Maybe things would never be as they were before she died, but this felt like a first step towards progress. Whether it be good or bad… Well, that was still to be determined after they see each other.

Taking the shuttle down planetside, Shepard was glad for the automated systems on simple runs like this, almost certain that she wouldn’t have been able to pilot the damn thing in the state that she was in. Tension coursed through her, and impatience had its hooks buried in deep. The more she tried to fight it, the more tense she felt, her jaw clenched to the point where it felt like her teeth might break.

Eventually, the shuttle’s VI spoke up in that cold, emotionless voice, causing Shepard to jolt.

“Approaching landing zone, Commander Shepard.”

Shepard stared out of the window in dread, clenching her hands into fists against her thighs.

“Yeah,” she whispered. She cleared her throat, then spoke up for the automated systems to detect. “Yeah, okay. Bring ‘er down.”

“Very well, Commander.”

As the VI maneuvered the shuttle into place, Shepard ensured that her armor was in top shape. She double, then triple, checked all of her seals and clamps. Reassured that all was well, she fixed her breather helmet into place, bracing herself before she exited the shuttle.

The first thing she noticed was the crunch of snow beneath her feet.

The next things she noticed was how _blue_ everything looked, followed closely by the otherworldly silence that permeated the air. It was as if time itself had stopped, the entire world holding its breath, as if afraid to disturb the final resting place of the vessel’s corpse.

Looking around at the wreckage before her, Shepard didn’t make a single move, frozen in place.

She didn’t know how long she stood there, simply appraising the space around her, but the sound of another shuttle nearby was enough to capture her attention.

Her head snapped in its direction, eyes wide as she waited with bated breath.

When it finally landed, her stomach did a little flip, caught up in a swarm of nerves.

The door then opened up, and no other than Kaidan Alenko stepped out, just as he promised.

For the first time in a long, long time, Shepard felt as if she could finally breathe easier, a heavy weight not lifted off her chest.

Approaching his location, he glanced up when she got close. Wary and hesitant, he went to greet her, but instantly quieted when she put a gloved finger up to where her lips should be beyond her helmet.

She sent him a quick message through her omni-tool.

_Our old channel._

That was all the info she offered, knowing that he was smart enough to figure out what she meant.

Looking down at his omni-tool, he glanced back up at her and nodded.

They tuned their comms into the same channel that they used back on Eden Prime, the beginning of it all. It was a channel that they often used afterwards, especially when it was him, Ash, and Shepard on a mission together.

Shepard broke the silence once they had that fixed.

“Sorry.” She grimaced. “I wanted to be sure that what we say goes through a channel that Cerberus can’t listen in to.”

“They’re monitoring you,” he said. Not a question, but a statement. Shepard shrugged helplessly. “Yet you trust them?”

“No more than I can throw them,” she sighed, then paused. When she realized the flaw in her statement, she gave an empty chuckle, rubbing at the back of her neck in chagrin. “Although, I guess that phrase kind of loses its meaning when I can literally throw people with my mind.”

By the crinkles present at the corners of his eyes, Shepard could practically envision his smirk, even though sorrow still lingered in his gaze.

“Yeah.”

They stood there for an awkward moment, not quite sure what to do or say.

“Listen, I—”

“Why don’t we—”

They both stopped when they spoke over one another, laughing nervously.

“You go ahead,” Kaidan said.

Shepard looked around once more, nodding pointedly in one direction.

“Walk with me?” she asked, and he did.

They continued on in silence for a little bit, Shepard thankful for the time to compose her thoughts. They found a couple of dog tags along their way, so Shepard added them to the collection.

“I’m glad you came,” she said, eventually settling on a topic idle and safe enough to ease into. “I didn’t know whether you would have the time to.”

He shrugged, picking up another dog tag and passing it off to Shepard.

“Helen Lowe,” he told her. She nodded and recorded the name along with the others in her omni-tool. “Yeah, I took some leave, found a trader’s vessel heading out this way and booked a ride. Councilor Anderson pulled some strings to get my request pushed through.”

He pursed his lips.

“At first, the brass were hesitant to let me go. Admittedly, I was too, but it certainly helped when they recognized the coordinates you sent me.”

He let out a shuddering breath, his eyes slightly glazed while he regarded the wreckage littering the planet’s surface.

Shepard nodded, unable to focus on one spot for too long, lest the memories consume her.

“That’s understandable. Hurtful, but understandable.”

“I didn’t me—”

“Yes, you did,” Shepard said, cutting him off with an exhausted sigh. “Don’t worry about it. I—” She choked on the words, working to force them out. “Some days, even _I_ don’t know who I am anymore. I won’t fault you for being cautious around someone who’s affiliated with Cerberus.”

The look Kaidan gave her was no less broken, so she simply avoided looking at him entirely, at least for now.

“Regardless, Admiral Hackett had sent me a message about setting a monument down here and recovering evidence for those still unaccounted for. I was planning on doing this with or without you here,” she explained, “but I _am_ glad to have you here.”

Kaidan’s responding laugh was bleak and devastated.

“After that message you sent, how could I possibly say no?” When Shepard didn’t respond, he persisted. “No comment?”

“What can I say, Kaidan? Can I possibly say anything to make things better between us?”

He stopped short, thinking it over.

“Honestly, I don’t know.”

That’s what she figured.

“Me either,” she said. “A lot has happened.”

They both fell silent for a while as Shepard became engrossed in her task, digging up one dog tag after another to record the names of the fallen. She stopped along the way at certain spots, lingering on some more than others. For instance, she liked to return to the Mako often to reminisce about her “atrocious” driving, according to the others. It brought a smile to her face, thinking about all the trouble they got into in that old tank.

While digging through the debris left behind by the CIC, Shep came across a datapad once owned by Navigator Pressly. She smiled bitterly, reading through how he had grown and progressed, willing to lay down his life for their family and friends on the SR-1, aliens and human alike, if need be.

Stowing the datapad away with the collection of dog tags, Shepard and Kaidan separated briefly to continue searching, eventually meeting back up once they had found the majority of the tags.

From there, Shepard decided to face the one spot she had been avoiding, leading Kaidan in the direction of what had once been engineering and storage. They treaded through the snow and wreckage until they found the squad’s weapons lockers, not too far off from the weapons bench that Ashley frequented.

Shepard stood there for a minute, then decided that she had earned a rest. Setting aside the dog tags, she settled onto the ground, cross-legged as she looked around her.

Kaidan regarded her for a moment, then joined her.

Neither of them said anything. Neither of them _needed_ to say anything.

Tears welled in Shepard’s eyes, but this time she let them fall, only to blink them away.

“Oh, Ash,” she whispered, hugging her knees close to her chest. She buried her face into them, or as close as physically possible in her armor. “Shit, why is this—”

Her words were cut off by a sob, her shoulders hitching as she gave a pathetic sniffle.

“Shit, shit, shit.”

She jumped up to her feet, completely unaware of the hand that had been outstretched in her direction, left hanging in the air for a weighted moment.

Marching out of the wreckage, Shepard started to pace around aimlessly, but it did nothing to suppress the memories now haunting her every step. She could still recall every detail on Virmire. She could remember the brute force of a krogan charging. She could recall staring down the barrel of Wrex’s gun. She could smell the salty tang of the sea air. She could still see the explosion from the bomb, billowing up into the air after they had left one of their own behind.

How could she do this? How could Shepard do this?

She couldn’t save Ash.

She couldn’t save the Normandy or its crew.

Hell, she couldn’t even save herself. What makes her think that this suicide mission will turn out any differently? She can’t, she can’t—

Shepard didn’t know what she was doing or where she was going. Distantly, she heard someone call her name, but it fell on deaf ears. It felt like waves were crashing down all around her, drowning her slowly but surely. Any noise filtered in as if from underwater, distorted and garbled.

Then, she found it.

She stopped short when she happened across it. Her knees buckled, and Shepard no longer had the strength to keep standing. She fell to her knees and clutched at her chest, tears now pouring freely down the sides of her face.

_No, no, no…_

Mindlessly, her hands darted out, digging and tossing aside chunks of snow. Beneath laid bits and pieces of her armor, including her old chest piece and her helmet. She had to get it. She couldn’t say why it was so important to her now of all times, but she simply had to. Better it be with her than to end up in some pirate’s or salvager’s hands and sold off to the highest bidder.

Tearing through the snow, Shepard’s chest tightened. Her breaths and shoulders hitched, each sob threatening to undo her.

Eventually, she unearthed her armor, but she didn’t feel any sort of satisfaction at her success.

All she could think about was floating. For so long, her life consisted of floating through space, living amongst the stars. She had once feared and respected that vast unknown, but she had grown complacent from her life on starships. She had let her guard down.

Maybe if she had been more vigilant, maybe if she had been faster…

All she could think about was floating, no longer safe within her ship, but floating on the outside, watching it explode into a million pieces. She was floating, flying, falling. A leak in her helmet was loud in her ears. She couldn’t breathe. Shepard tried to fix it, but this was one thing that she couldn’t patch up on her own. Her throat closed up, and she struggled in vain.

It was like getting tangled up in a thorn bush. The harder she fought, the more ensnared she became. Her breathing sped up, but that only served to deplete what little oxygen —and time— she had.

The entire world had closed in around her, black dots clouding her vision until darkness consumed her.

Two years dead. Two years lost, and she didn’t remember a single second of it.

A hand came down onto her shoulder, and Shepard jolted, eyes snapping open in shock. The chest plate was still clasped tight in her white-knuckled grip, but her throat was now sore, her voice all but gone.

She hadn’t even noticed that she had been screaming, her throat aching and raw. Her biotics had gone haywire under the onslaught of emotion, unraveling just like her mind. Erratic pulses of blue and violet emanated from where she sat. Blood dripped from her nose, a sharp metallic tang.

Before she could respond to the hand on her shoulder, there was a loud crunch of snow as Kaidan got onto his knees beside her. As the sloppy barrier around her dissipated, he pulled her into a tight hug, his chin resting atop her head.

Shepard tensed at first in the unexpected embrace, but she threw her arms around him before he could move away. It wasn’t the same, clad in armor as they were, but it was exactly what Shepard needed in that moment.

Burying her face against his chest, her bottom lip wobbled, unable to keep the responding sob at bay.

“I’m sorry,” she croaked, her face splotchy and wet. Both with her blood and her tears. “I’m so, _so_ sorry.”

Leave it to Shepard to apologize for showing weakness, but that wasn’t all that she was apologizing for and they both knew it.

Pulling back, Kaidan held her up by the shoulders. His eyes locked with hers, a warm brown meeting a bold green. Whatever he was searching for, he must have found it, washing away his doubts long enough for his gaze to soften.

Just like it used to.

“I’m sorry, too,” he murmured. “You haven’t been taking care of yourself.”

Shepard gave a weak, brittle laugh.

“What gave it away?” she deadpanned. “Watching me fall apart at the seams?”

“Well, there’s that too,” he acknowledged, “but I could tell from the moment you looked at me. You have this haunted look in your eyes now. It was there on Horizon, but everything was too emotionally charged to think clearly then.” He paused, then stated, “It’s gotten worse.”

Shep didn’t even try to deny it.

“Yeah,” she said, quiet and subdued, “but there’s not much I can do. This mission is too important to lose my focus, even for a second.”

Kaidan cocked his head to the side in question.

“Then why come here?”

Her answer was instant.

“To put the past to rest.” She swallowed thickly. “Because no matter how much it hurts, I need to face the truth. I need to face the cold, hard fact that I _died._ Every day I’m haunted by that fact.” She shook her head in disbelief. “If you thought that you were the only one to doubt if it’s me, then you’re wrong. I know what Liara and Miranda and Ceberus all said, but _nothing_ they say makes it better. They seem certain, but I will never be. _I_ was never given any records, any foolproof evidence, that I’m still the original Shepard. For all I know, I’m some advanced clone who just thinks she is.”

Kaidan remained quiet, letting her lay it all out in the open.

She gritted her teeth, her entire body aching.

“I had to come here because I owed it not only to myself but to my crew as well. They don’t deserve this, to be left on this planet, forgotten. But this-this might be my last chance…”

“You said that before,” Kaidan said, cutting her off before she could finish that train of thought. “Do you really think that you’re going to d—that you won’t make it back from this mission of yours?”

“You know me,” she snorted. “I’ll give it my all to bring everyone back alive, but the reality is that there are a lot of unknowns waiting for me on the other side.”

“Nothing I can do to change your mind about this?” he asked. However, judging by his defeated tone, he already knew the answer to that question before he even asked it.

“No, ‘m afraid not.”

“Well, can’t blame a man for trying, right?”

“Of course not.” Shepard hesitated. “Trust me, Kaidan, if so much wasn’t at stake here, I would be back with the Alliance in a heartbeat. They’re not perfect. Nobody is, but I know where my loyalties lie, even if you still have your doubts.” Before he could get defensive, she rushed to add, “Understandably so.”

Had she been in his shoes, she was certain that she would feel the same way.

They both remained silent for a few minutes, Shepard ending up back in his embrace. They sat there, simply listening to one another’s breathing.

Eventually, a thought crossed Shepard’s mind, and she gave a brief chuckle.

“What?” Kaidan asked, curious.

Shepard smiled to herself.

“Nothing much,” she answered. “Just thinking about how Ash might have kicked my ass for getting tangled up with Cerberus in the first place.”

“‘Might have?’” he echoed, his skepticism apparent.

“Okay,” Shepard allowed, “there’s no ‘might’ about it. She would have totally kicked my ass.”

He chuckled, the sound taking root in Shepard’s chest, blossoming with warmth and affection.

“In your defense,” Kaidan whispered, “it doesn’t sound like you had much choice in the matter.”

“Kaidan Alenko,” Shepard gasped, feigning shock. “Are you admitting you might be wrong?”

“Never mind, smartass, I take it back.”

“No, please, do go on.”

“I’d rather not.”

Slowly, he got to his feet, supporting Shepard as she stood alongside him.

He glanced down at the armor, bending over to collect three pieces in particular. Her chest plate, her helmet, and the dog tags that were hidden within. All of the items were banged up and in some state of disrepair, but Kaidan cradled them carefully, as if the softest touch would make it all crumble to dust.

When he held it out to her, she regarded the armor, eventually shaking her head. She placed her hand over one of his, gently pushing the collection back in his direction.

“You keep it,” she ordered, her tone leaving no room for argument. “If it had been recovered sooner, I would have wanted it sent to you anyways. Keep it safe for me, just in case.”

He clenched his jaw at that, but nodded in agreement.

“Okay,” he whispered. “I’ll take it. On one condition.”

“Name it,” she said without hesitation.

“I’ll keep it if you promise that you’ll come back for it. _Alive._ ”

Oh, Kaidan.

“You know that I can’t promise that.”

“Amuse me. If you go out there already expecting defeat, then that will affect your performance on the mission. Even if it’s a lie, _promise me_.”

Shepard scoffed at him, but she knew that she couldn’t deny him this, hearing that edge of desperation slicing through his voice.

“Alright, I promise,” she sighed. “I promise that I will do everything in my power to come back alive.”

“There,” he said, and she could practically see his smirk through the helmet. “Was that so bad?”

“Terrible,” she retorted, although the comment held no real heat.

Returning to the collection of dog tags, they gathered them up and made quick work of finding the others. Occasionally, they would bring up one memory or another from their days on the SR-1, reflecting back with a fond sense of nostalgia. They took their time in roaming around, even after they finished setting up the monument as well. Neither were in a rush, reminiscing and paying their respects to all that had fallen.

But they couldn’t stay there forever.

Although time felt like it hadn’t moved a single second, Shepard soon became aware of every minute that passed. The clock was ticking, counting down, and time spent there meant more time the Collectors had to prepare. It meant more time given to the Collectors to take down another human colony.

They wouldn’t stop with humans, though.

No, their masters wouldn’t be satisfied until all intelligent, sapient life in the galaxy was wiped out from existence.

 _Those_ were the stakes.

A solemn silence fell between them as they returned to their shuttles. Figuring that it would be easier to have Kaidan pass them off to the Alliance, they loaded his shuttle with all of the evidence and dog tags of those who had fallen. Once they had that and Shepard’s armor sealed away, Kaidan walked Shepard to her shuttle.

Similar to how they started, they both stood there and shuffled around awkwardly, not really knowing what they could say that would suffice as a farewell.

“So,” Kaidan sighed, “this is it.”

“This is it,” Shepard agreed. Scrambling for anything to say or do, she held her hand out to him. “I guess this is goodbye, Staff Commander.”

He took ahold of her hand, and then he yanked her towards him, wrapping her in a hug for what could be their last time. Shepard relaxed easily enough in his arms, her heart skipping a beat.

“Not goodbye,” he corrected, his voice thick and heavy. “More like a ‘see you later.’”

Right.

“Well then,” Shepard sniffed, trying to keep herself from falling apart in his arms again. So much had been left unsaid, but time wasn’t exactly on their side. “See you later.”

He squeezed her against him.

“If anything happens to you, I swear…”

Even through all the uncertainty, it would be like giving him the smallest flicker of hope, only to snatch it away all over again.

Shepard was well aware, but she was determined to follow through on her promise. No matter what, she would give this mission her all and do her damnedest to make it back to him.

Parting from the hug, she knew that it was time for her to go. Every second spent with him made it harder to leave, but the galaxy couldn’t afford for her to stay.

Climbing about her shuttle, she nodded at him in farewell.

He returned it, his grip on her dog tags tightening, as if it was the only thing keeping him tethered to the ground in that moment.

“Good luck, Commander.”

The doors slid shut between them, and she watched as his figure grew smaller in the distance as the shuttle ascended.

Before she switched off of their old comms channel, she just barely heard the words through a slight bit of static. Three words that made her heart leap into her throat.

_“Love you, too.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos are always welcome. I'd be glad to hear what you think.


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